I can't say I was ever a peaceful or calm person, but I used to be an extremely happy person.
That kind of changed in 2016. My family and I experienced trauma after trauma, from my dad falling ill while traveling alone (and us not knowing about it for 5 days), to him being in the hospital for 2.5 months and all of us nursing him back to health, only to have his heart stop on the day he was supposed to come home from the hospital, to having to take over a business in an industry I don't understand or fit in, to having employees that loved my dad but, having no loyalty to the rest of us, and therefore have been stealing from us for the past 3 years, to having to fight for dad's entire life's work in the company he owned and built over 30 years because his brother stole his shares in the corporation, to achieving my dream of a regional posting only to fail miserably, twice.
The smile or cheeky grin I always had on was lost, replaced by a perpetual scowl. And I started keeping my heart caged so it wouldn't fly too high. I felt like anger was safer than joy because if I didn't soar, I couldn't fall again.
The Evergreen Blossom Prayer (EBP) has helped me feel like me again. I randomly catch myself smiling, to my utter shock. My scowl comes back because my face is just used to it by now but, inch by inch, my smile is fighting it's way back. And my heart is challenging me to let it soar. I'm starting to feel happiness in my bones, effortlessly.
Not to say there hasn't been issues. There are still wounds, issues, and fights in my life but I feel like the fights have become healing fights. For example, a few nights ago, my sister and I were yelling at each other in the car. My mom was afraid we would crash because it was such an intense yelling match and I was at the wheel while yelling. And while I was deeply angry at what she was saying to me, after a while, I realized that I had let the words seep in but not the pain or anger attached to the words... I understood her without being as offended as I normally would be. I didn't feel the need to fight back anymore. All I was thinking was, "Ok we are fighting. So be it." And rather than feeling like I'm at war, I felt calm. The cut she dealt me was not infested by bacteria. It did not fester for days or start oozing pus. The cut let some bad blood out and then it healed beautifully. Within less than 24 hours, we were speaking and laughing again (which is rare after a big yelling match).
I wasn't a believer of EBP when I first heard about it. In fact, I didn't immediately take the course. But one day, out of the blue, without actually planning or intending it, I asked to stay home from work (rare for workaholics). Then after everyone left, I heard the first few words of the prayer. I recognized it from the free trial Kim gave out ages ago and, for the first time, I was drawn to it. I was being called by the Blessed Mother. But I set a condition. I told her I had to finish my work first then I would make time for her but that at 2:30 pm I had to leave. A task that had taken me over 6 hours the day before, I was able to do in less than 3 hours. And so I had 2.5 hours for my EBP training that day.
I felt compelled to write this testimony. Not to convince anyone to take the EBP themselves, but because I have such gratitude for finally feeling like myself again. In less than 1 week the EBP started to heal 3 years of trauma.
Don't take my word for it though. You will know, in your gut, when the EBP summons you for your own healing and transformation. Just listen and trust.
P.S., I have this weird urge to tell everyone I love them, so if you're reading this, I love you!! Free hugs for everyone!